What are your goals?

Second group in a row that I have left feeling good. Today we discussed planning and organizing through using a planner, and I was really happy that the students participated. I had thought that it wouldn't go well, but it did so it was a pleasant experience.

So last night, we also had a DC meeting on how to create a college-going culture in our school sites. I thought it was very inspiring (although I wish it wasn't an hour and a half) because I now want to coordinate a meeting with my students' teachers to discuss how we (they) can use their classrooms and their positions as teachers to really foster the sense that our students are meant for college. And today in group I talked a bit about what I am studying at Berkeley and also fielded some questions the kids had, which I see to be a good sign because it shows they think about college to some degree.

With my work in Y-Scholars, it's been making me re-evaluate my view on outreach. I do believe that it is very important and is needed like crazy, but I think it also needs to be complementing efforts in policy changes. And personally, I thought that outreach wasn't really for me partly because I haven't always liked working with youth (from my experience in elementary school tutoring). Having my position is a good learning experience though. I think I am definitely developing patience and understanding for my freshmen and seniors, and my teaching skills are getting practice and opportunity to improve. Most importantly though, it is allowing me to see what more I would like to do in this area of work, like how to get schools to create a college-going atmosphere for instance. Maybe that fits more in studies of education rather than college outreach, but it's something that I have been thinking about because of being in Y-Scholars. Okay. This is it, perhaps more later I will expand on this thought.

week in review

this week has been a bit hectic. during harry's mentor match on tuesday, he was very rude to me. he was trying to argue with me and making nonsense points. then he was unbelievably disrespectful by holding up papers in front of my face to ignore me and talk to his mentor. i just felt really embarrassed, especially since the mentor was seeing me get blown off by harry. before he left the library, i had a small talk with him, saying that i didn't appreciate his rudeness and making nonsense arguments, and that he shouldn't come to group if he plans on being disrespectful. i suppose i shouldn't have said that last part and won't in the future (harry didn't come to group today), but man, he was extremely disrespectful. he needs to understand that i want him in group but he needs to be polite, which is a standard i hold all my students to. it is frustrating working with some of the students because of their attitude because i can't get in their face about it like i would with a peer nor can i let them walk all over me; it's a little difficult walking on this line.

today in group, we discussed stereotypes of all kinds almost. the students really have a lot to say about the collage the other coordinators and i made and i'm glad to know that they are aware of the different kinds of oppression and discrimination that go on in this world. the students really hit on some critical concepts regarding race, heterosexism and gender, and even though they don't have the best words to convey what they know sometimes they are aware, which is an important step in developing consciousness.

working in Y-Scholars is such a roller coaster sometimes. when i have encounters like i did with harry i want to quit because i remember how much i didn't like working with youth in the past, but when i have good days like today i get excited because i am helping my students develop themselves as critical thinkers. blah.

Change

I need to change my teaching style/approach to my students because the rude one(s) are starting to get on my nerves like no other.

Catcher in the Rye, Conversation, and Volleyball

Last Thursday at the staff meeting I got my students' progress reports, and for the most part a lot of them are getting Ds in at least one of their classes (on the bright side I have two with straight As so far!). Today I talked with one of my students, Harry*, about his low marks in English and History. From our conversation, I was able to see that he understands what he is learning and gets along with his teachers, but he doesn't do so hot on tests, which I feel because I've had classes in high school where I get the material/homework and then bomb the exam. What I need to figure out now is what can I do to help him understand that he needs to give more detailed answers on his English tests, how to get him to perform on exams at a level that is commensurate with his knowledge and learning capabilities. When he talked to me, he was so sure of himself and conveyed to me that he actually does do the work, that he understands his reading or homework, and it got me excited to realize that he isn't the dumb clueless student.

Today I also got to have a nice conversation with one of my top students. I already had an interest in getting to know him because he just moved from India to Berkeley about a year ago, so I wanted to make sure he was adjusting alright, but he's doing so great! This guy is pretty cool, the Dalai Lama gave him his name! That's pretty wild. I hope he got a good vibe from me because of our small talk. I think the obstacle I am facing right now with all my students is the fact that I am still unfamiliar to them at this point since we have only met twice. And I just want them to realize that I am here to support and help them in any way possible. I'm not just a person four or five years older than them who is going to act like their other (probably lame) teachers, but rather that I am here to help guide and prepare them for success and that they can come to me with any problems they might be facing.

Which brings me to another student of mine, Allie. She's been giving a small amount of attitude during the last two group meetings, which I called her mother about (she told me that she wants to be aware of how Allie is doing, so no, I'm not being a rat!) That was last week, but tonight her mother called me and told me a heartbreaking story for half an hour. Allie was supposed to be on the Berkeley High volleyball team (she played the sport all through middle school), and she had her schedule adjusted for it and even purchased all the equipment she would need to play. However, when the school year started and Allie went to the first practice, she was told that she wasn't on the team (her and four or five other girls, all of whom are minorities). They were told that there weren't enough jerseys or spots after all, but after Allie and other students of color were kicked off the team, new girls who never tried out (and who were also white) were let on, much to Allie's surprised. After many meetings with admininstrators and the coach (a female college student), it was pretty much let out that there was no good reason for Allie to have been removed from the team. (Not only did the coach assemble a vanilla team, but she also imposed the idea that she didn't want girls with curves on the team either!)

Why I mention this is that since Allie had her passion taken away from her for no good excuse, she has become very angry and lacking a lot in self-confidence. This destructive behavior is affecting her school work and performance in Y-Scholars, hence the bad attitude. Obviously it's not the sole reason, but I just really feel for her right now, and I am just disgusted at how this school that caters to white students can stand to rip apart the self-esteem and dreams of its minority constituents. Not only is Allie not playing volleyball, but now her response to that is negatively affecting her academic career. I am just really really bothered right now and it puts me at a loss somewhat in figuring out what I can do to help her overcome this obstacle and succeed in the rest of her life.

Beat One

I am starting this in hopes of having a space to articulate more serious ideas, as opposed to the cryptic, teen-angst drama that fills my xanga (www.xanga.com/mighty_Joooood). Most importantly, I want to chronicle my experience working in the public secondary education sector as a college advisor/teacher/social worker/mentor to underprivileged, first generation college bound students. Although it's about one month into the school year, I am starting the core of my work now and I think I need a space to articulate reflections on my experiences with Berkeley High youth in order to better understand this work I do and the lives of my students.

The reason why the program I work for (the YMCA-created Y-Scholars) exists is because of the effects of institutionalized racism, as many of the students are black and latin@, among other minorities, with low-income families. Public education is set up so that many of them will be left behind, which is where Y-Scholars steps in to give these bright kids with massive potential the tools and support they need to be successful in high school and get in the door to higher education.

That said, I hope to continue with my academic reading, so perhaps this can also be a space for me to express what I think of any future readings. Right now, I am looking at an anthology called Screaming Monkeys (edited by M. Evelina Galang), a collection of works relating to how Asian Americans are viewed in this country. With that, I am warning you now that this blog may well become my scream, to be heard loud and clear for the next however many days, weeks, or months as I live in this world and experiencing its many -isms.